Ash be gone!!! aka Poppa's Shea Butter

So as you know, winter is near. No more of that hopping out of the shower, spritzing on some overpriced alcohol laden body spray. You better grease up!! Check it out



Inquire at: elshaddaisheabutter@gmail.com

Why are people so daggone nasty?!?!

If I step on one more empty or half empty cup of coffee, or in a pile of someone's overturned latte on the railroad, I am going to scream!!! I wear slacks to look nice, not to drag the bottoms of them through spilled piles of coffee on the metro! And what genius would put an OPENED cup of coffee down anyway when you know the train is going to lurch forward and tip the cup over???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Meh....

I haven't blogged since September?!?!

Well, that's cause I've been doing more youtubing than anything, plus updating my fotki.I said I'd do hair stuff on here...but youtube is more fun!!!

Youtube.com/richeau

Or my fotki....fotki.com/empressri

Updates:

My hair is getting longer. No surprise there, but it really is lol. I am enjoying the cut though.

We have a Black President, whoohoo!!!!

I knew New Yorkers were crazy, but GOTDAMN I didn't know they were crazy and stupid?!?! I say this out of pure sincerity, they really are. Hey, if you were where I was, you'd agree.

I need another vacation!

I also need to get reorganized. I don't know what happened! One minute it was nice and tidy in here, now.... Maybe I need merry maids or something lol. Poppa will just throw everything out, him and my mother. I can see the two now. Two big trash bags loading my stuff out.

Okay it's late, and I'm rambling. Ttfn!!!

It's wonderful to be in love!

I think if all people could feel what I feel, there would be no crime and the world would be a happier place. I'm just saying. Since this new gig is giving me some special hours, and work and making me tired, I wasn't able to spend as much quality time with Poppa this week. So I got to spend the whole weekend with him and I'm happy as a pig in mud.

Plus I get to schmooze on the internet right now since I just finished my homework so I'm still that happy little piggy in mud! Now if only my room would get cleaned...

Yay for the new job!!!

So I got my new gig, and I like it!!! For reasons knownst to me, I won't put it here but those cool enough with me know what it is. (Yes, it's legal!).

But I gotta say...getting up at 4am is no joke!!! I'm like DAMNNNNNNNNN!!! The sun hasn't even THOUGHT about peeking out yet, and here I am on the train by 5. But I'm not complaining. Yall saw all of this madness going on down on Wall Street. I'm sooo not complaining.

Of course, it doesn't leave me much time to schmooze on the computer. But I got a bit of extra sleep in yesterday, so maybe after I finish this assignment I'll play catch up.

DR was wonderful!!!! Boy oh boy we had a blast! We're going to Hawaii next year dammit. I'll have more $$ and paid vacation gotdammit. Paid vacation...ahhh can't believe I'm saying that :D and paid sick days, paid lurnch...yes LURNCH!!! Oh boy!

I still have tons of hair ish to review. I'm sorry if I don't get back to everyone on fotki, np, nc, lhc, lhcf, youtube...at once. A girl is busy!!!!

But I promise...soon! Now let me finish this damn assignment.

Whoohoo!! Off to DR I go!!!

So...a bunch of new beginnings. New hair, new job, new trip...hell my first trip out of the US!! In 10 hours I will be on a plane to Punta Cana with my favorite person!!

See yall next week!!

And no....I will NOT be going to buy Dominican hair products!! hehe!

House music...yeah it's that serious.

It must be, for me to be awake at nearly 12:30 at night, perusing the internet to find this song I've been lusting after for quite some time. Yanno, God bless all of the DJ's that so graciously share with me the songs they play. I'm not a DJ, don't worry, I prefer to dance and spectate instead of being behind a turntable. Plus, I'm clumsy as all hell and would most likely knock something over.

Then there are the DJ's that won't tell you EVER...even if you ask once when they're not busy. Which forces me to record things on my camera, then come home, listen to the song and google until I find it.

My latest conquest was Marvin Gaye;s "Inner city blues", a remix which 4hero did. Now...if you've never heard of 4hero, you are seriously lacking. I love me some 4hero. Eh, it's not house music though, more like nujazz, but I digress. Here's the link to the song that I FINALLY found! Thank goodness for ebay:

http://www.last.fm/music/Allen+Hoist/_/Inner+City+Blues+(Makes+Me+Wanna+Holler)+(4+Hero+Version)?autostart

So my album should be here my next week. But I'm far from done. I have quite a few more songs I need to find. And believe me, I always find what I'm looking for.

I can't believe I'm this late....

You know, it's a shame really. For me to be in my mid-20's and to JUST start truly appreciating Prince, it's a shame. But damn, after seeing "Purple Rain" (which I can't watch without cheesing now) with Big Poppa, I started getting HOOKED on his music, and now I'm going to make it my mission to get to one of Prince's concerts, even if we have to fly out of country. I mean, why the heck not, I got a passport now!!!!!!

But yeah, I've always liked his music, particularly 1999, which they played at my 4th birthday party (and I still have the home video to prove it lol) and Sexy MF (which my mother didn't seem to keen on, and gave me a withering look even after I told her it was Prince.)

But seriously, his music is so sexy, you can listen to it, find yourself stripping and then when the song goes off, wonder what the hell happened to your clothes and looking to see where your panties went. IT'S THAT SERIOUS.

But dammit, good music is supposed to make you feel that way. It can be erotic without being slutty, or just brash and brazen, not like this crap they play today. Shoot, I don't even know what the hell they're talking about half the time. The sexy harem dancers in "The One" video, sultry. The dude in Nelly's "Tip Drill" video swiping a credit card down the crack of homegirl's @$$, just plain nasty.

If I ever do get to meet Prince, I wanna fuss about all of the muted videos on youtube. I mean damn, he has enough money to feed my entire family, putting a couple videos on youtube won't kill him, but what the hey. I'd give a right tit to meet him still (though Poppa would tell him hey!....I need that tit back!)

Anywho, I'll post the seccy video here, and if you start stripping...it aint my fault.

Yes, I know I suck...

And I'm sorry!! A sista's been BUSY! But it's all for a good reason. Then you need to be in the mood to blog, and goodness knows I've started, then stopped. Then started, and stopped again. My internet acting funky didn't help either, but here's a recap:

My room is CLEAN!!!!!!!! And I mean clean clean. I now have a swiffer wetjet and the dusting wand to help me keep it that way. Hardwood floors are a right pain in the arse, do you know how much dirt it collects?? It's like it has its own built-in dirt factory, purely to make me lose my mind. Nevermind all of the shed hair that finds its way down there, and I comb my hair what, once a week?

I've been buying those loreal HiP eyeshadow duos like it's nobody's business. I was wondering why CVS kept issuing those damn $10 off a $50 purchase coupons everytime I bought something. How about a $5 off a $25!!!! Zyrtec ain't cheap and I surely have to stock up. Someone needs to help me with those shadows too, I got some really funky colors.

I got my !!!! And to kick the event off, my honey and I are going to Dominican Republic in September. And to think, I just randomly put my application for it in, got it very fast might I add a few weeks later, and now I'm going to take my first overseas trip. Uber cool.

So I FINALLY have a ipod. I've been saying that I was going to get one since...forever and I never have. Well, I do now and I love it. Uploading music can be a pain in the ass when you have as much as I do (and I'm still buying more, as I'm a house junkie. I'm actually listening to Osunlade Re-Offering which is my FAVORITE album! Get it get it get it!).

Anita Grant's products are the shizznick. Of course, her things cost a small fortune to ship to the States, but who cares! They're worth it. Oh Anita! My sapote and coconut pomade isn't here yet, I'm going through withdrawals!

I haven't eaten any sort of fruit since the summer started, no wonder I feel like a damn blimp. Since I'm allergic to just about all fruits and avocado (so random) I can only have berries and citrus. I think I'll make a nice mixed berry salad, I was scarfing them down errday last summer.

The Halal man lied when he said he put extra sauce on my lamb gyro. I'm still sore about that.

I've been cutting off the straight bits of my hair. I think it's lopsided now, but eh, I don't really care. I didn't know that my hair coils up! It's pretty cool.

Oh yes, I've ordered quite a few products that I must give reviews for, which include some other Anita Grant stuff I hadn't tried, Jessicurl, Oyin, and....I'm sure there's more. I'm going to start doing videos on youtube also so check that out. I already have one up there on how I detangle my hair.

Okay I'm done...for now!

Raped at the gas pump!!!

And I mean it, shoved straight in the butt, to the balls, no KY Jelly, no astrolide no NOTHING!!!!!!

Can you blame me for having a face like this?



Gas is $4.05 a gallon give or take a few pennies depending on where you go. I refuse to drive ANYWHERE I don't have to right now. I will walk everydamn where, heck it's exercise!!!

Erykah Badu @ Radio City Music Hall

Okay, so this past Friday (5/9/08) the fiance and I went to see non other than Miz Badu!!! Man oh man words cannot describe how I love this woman. My man told me that she gives you a great show, but nothing prepared me for it.

She sang a bunch of songs off of her new album Amerykah, but she didn't sing Honey!!!! That left me feeling cheated, as cheated as a hooker who got paid but the dude took back his money after he got the pannies. Yes, it was that deep.

Speaking of pannies, Loleatta Brown (if you don't know better ask somebody) she did "Annie don't wear no panties". LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD if I didn't holler!!! Erykah is crazier than a little bit but damn if she doesn't tell the truth.

Oh, here's the video for ya:



NOW.....here's my only beef about the concert.

1. I hate everyone. I really do. Okay, almost everyone. I paid damn near $200 for tickets only to have the retarded ass people of the world walking back and forth...and back and forth...and back and forth!!!! I mean damn!!! I came to see Erykah and The Roots, not a bunch of stupid heads floating around blocking my view of the stage!!

2. The STUPID BROADS SITTING IN FRONT OF US RECORDING EVERY DAMN THING, JUMPING UP FOR EVERY DAMN SONG, AND FARTING CONTINUOUSLY!!!!!!!! They must have been tourists, cause they smelled like dirty water hotdogs and then kept blowing up the our seating section. Needless to say, EVERYONE that was near us was complaining. And between them standing up, I told the girl next to me she was a Godly girl, cause I would have been cussing up a storm. I offered her a twizzler to throw at the girls, or at least smack them in the back of the head with it if they kept standing up. My fiance was trying to hold back from taking her camera and chucking it down the aisle.

3. The drunk dude behind us screaming "WEPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" every five seconds. Dude...I know you love Erykah, we do too. Which is why I paid to hear "Honey yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! You so sweet!!" not "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!" Keep that sh*t at your Daddy Yankee concert, ya dig?

4. THE EXPENSIVE @$$ PARKING FEE!!!!!!!!!!!! $51.00 USD, and the man must have thought he was gonna get a tip, even though our car was RIGHT THERE where we could have pulled out ourselves easily (which we did dammit)

5. Me not being able to get a picture of Erykah! I swear on everything I love, we are getting seats so close next time she comes to NY, I'm gonna be able to see the twinkle in her hazel eyes, and feel her SWEAT drop onto my forehead. I AIN'T LYING!!!!!

Highlights of the show:

1. The usher who was white bread but bopping along, dancing and two-stepping down the aisle. He knows good music!!

2. The drunken woman who...heheeeeee! Let me not talk too bad about folks, but LAWD sister was having herself a good ole time, cause she went to the bar at least 8 times and came back drunker....and drunker....and drunker. Now she had this gait that nearly made me hysterical with laughter. Now mix in a bunch of drinks, she sashayedsashayedsayshayed, almost fell over, stopped sashaying, caught herself, didn't spill her drinks and continued to sashaysashaysashay down the aisle. HEEEEEEEELARIOUS!!!!!!!!

3. The man proposing to his lady onstage. That was sweet! And Erykah gave them church hugs heheee!

4. The Roots wearing "We Are Sean Bell" shirts, and dedicating a song to him and his family. I thought that was nice of them.

5. Erykah's little dance to "Annie don't wear no panties." IT WAS HEEEEEEEEELARIOUS!!!! It was something you had to see, that's the best I can describe it.

6. Erykah coming out onto the seating area and letting other people sing. One girl was off key so Erykah had the band change it for her so she could sing lol. I can't remember what song, oh, it was "Tyrone". OH MAN I wish she would have come by me, I would have embarrassed myself just to be near her lol.

All in all, a great time was had. Can't wait till she comes back next year!!

Another tag game!!

So the lovely Nywele tagged me again, for six random quirky facts about myself!

1. I'm a chocolate whore. I've been known to drag my fiance to Teuscher which is wayyy in the city, buy $20 of truffles for us both, which we immediately devoured upon receiving, and then convinced him to walk back to the shop to get ANOTHER $20 worth of truffles, which we ate a tad more slowly then lol.

2. I write. No one sees it, but I do.

3. I loooooooove house music!!!

4. I live in Queens and hear owls. Don't let them tell you that owls don't reside in Queens, I beg to differ.

5. I'm a sucker for 80's movies. If Molly Ringwald is in it, most likely I have it.

6. Sometimes the most fun I have is doing nothing at all.

Ode to the Cosi salads....

Okay, so when my friend Lesley told me about Cosi, where she would buy freaking $9.00 SALADS, I thought she was MAD!!!! Until I went on the website and saw the edible love of my life, the wild alaskan salmon salad. That was enough for me to grab my fiance and drive out to west bubble gum, over the hills and through the mountains on great neck road to find our cosi.

After debating on us buying one salad nicoise and the wild alaskan one, (we would split it to see which we liked).....OMG!!!!!!!!!! The flavors! The medley! The presentation! THE WHEAT FLATBREAD!!!!! The mojito lemonade was good too but that salad!! We went Saturday and it's Monday morning and I'm already plotting on how to go back to cosi.

Go get yours. getcosi.com

A tag game!!

Nywele tagged me!

Things I'm passionate about:

God
Doing the right thing
Returning something that someone lent to you, in the same condition!
Being true to your word
Not borrowing money that I can't pay back




Things I'd like to do before I die:

Travel immensely
Owe no debt
Have my own house...and a vacation house wouldn't hurt

Things I say often:
"JU DUPID!!!!!"
"My tummy hurts."


Books I've read recently:

Queens Noir, forgot the author.
The Shadow of the Black Panther


Songs I could listen to over and over:

OMG loaded question,

"Fallen" by Mya
"Falling" by Gaelle (haha I just noticed both of the songs have almost the same title!)
"Still a dancer" by Kemdi
"The cure and the cause" by Fish Go Deep
ANYTHING by Osunlade




Traits I'm attracted to in my friends:

Loyalty
Honesty
Ride or die chicks!!!!
Humor, I can't stand people who are too serious
Intelligence, I don't want no dumb broads hanging around me
Class, spelled with a C, not a K

Signs that you might be a PJ (product junkie for the newbies)

Dammit, I know I'm not the only one. Here are just a few signs:

You have no fewer than 2 boxes at a time littering your room from stuff you've ordered online or from a swap/sell on a hair site.

You've ever swapped or bought hair goodies from another nappy and it came in a box where you can still see the qhemet/oyin/naturally curly label.

You send stuff to other nappies in boxes that you've received from qhemet/oyin/naturally curly.

You just CAN'T resist the sale (insert name here) is having although you already have 3 of their (insert product here)

You clear out a space on your shoe rack that your fiance built for you for SHOES. And it's stacked precariously with hair stuff, and heaven forbid anyone else but you touches it, everything will come tumbling down like humpty dumpty.

Payday isn't here yet, and you start rationalizing about what you can hold off paying for so you can get that "hit" of oyin/qhemet/karen's.

You've ever had packages delivered to your job so mom/spouse doesn't get it at home and go "MORE HAIR STUFF?!?!"

You beg a friend to bring your Anita Grant with her when she leaves London to come to NY. Because you don't have to pay extra shipping charges, you use the money you would have spent to get more goodies.

You sign up to almost every hair board you can think of to read product reviews from others.

You don't like to throw away empty containers once you've finished something, even though you have two more full containers of product stashed somewhere.

You stalk/add contents to your cart and save for future purchases/ on websites even though you know good and well you aren't planning on ordering anything anytime soon cause well, you have a ton of their stuff in your house already.

Someone can blindfold you, spin you around, push you south and push an open container of product under your nose and you can catch a whiff and know what you are smelling in 5 seconds or less.

The owners of the products are beginning to know you by name.

You threaten anyone who tries to borrow/steal from your hair stash.

You try to show your fiance a picture of your hair in your fotki, and he cruises over to the hair portion that you've been hiding from him and he sees it, let's out a string of words you can't repeat, keeps saying "OMG!!!!" over and over again, and threatens to sue for loss of income lolol. True story!!!!

Certain nappies on nappturality AND fotki talk about you, and call you a "pusher" (Yes, Afroknots, Redecouverte, Mikosbelle, Micheli07 and Jas.1984 I'M TALKING ABOUT YALL!!!!)

Added 4/4/08 ~ IF YOU FELL FOR THE BEST EVER APRIL FOOLS DAY JOKE, BROUGHT TO YOU BY NONE OTHER THAN THE EMPRESSRI!!!!

http://www.nappturality.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=115982&st=0

What the hell????

So in lieu of a sinus infection, flu, cold WHATEVER the hell I have (I blame a certain person who shall remain nameless. That is the last f**king time I play janitor, cause last time I checked that wasn't in my job description) I didn't go to work today. However, I did have to go to Whole Foods.

Now onto that. Dammit, why is it whenever I start liking something, time for me to stock up I can't find it again?!?! They had every other variety of the zbar that you could hope for but the damn one that I wanted. I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy, I don't care what anyone says. So anywho, after my fiance and I went to the one way out in East Bubblef**k, only to find out they didn't have my energy bars, we trekked to the other Whole Foods in Southeast Bubblef**k....ONLY to find out that they were out of stock as well!!!!!!! It's like the whole damn world is laughing at me. My attempt to stay healthy and quit eating junk food and this is what happens.

But that is not the point of this blog. As my fiance gets out of the car, he calls me over and says, "You gotta be kidding me. Whole Foods is going to hell!!"

Chile, I went over to the other side of the car and saw not one but TWO used pregnancy test on the ground!!! Think the user was anxious much? And you know my sick self had to kick it over to see whether it was positive or negative. They were negative, and I couldn't help but laughing thinking of the woman as she scrambled to pee on the sticks in her car, anxiously waiting to see how the events of her life were going to be turned around. I could SEE the look on her face..."THANK GOD!!!!!!!" lolol!!!

Don't believe me??

Test #1:



Test #2:



Now I've seen many used things on the ground in my life, pacifiers, condoms (ick!) but two pregnancy tests? Oh the humor. All I know is, I'm not going back to that Whole Foods.


Unless they get my damn zbars. It's worth stepping over 5 of them joints just to get those bars.

I'm a lean, mean, jewelry making machine...

So after seeing this piece by poet and crafter Amun Miraaj, I was obsessed with wire wrapped jewelry. But when I found out how much his pieces cost, I was like &*%&#%%^ I can make my own!!!!!

So after months of searching for the right gauges of copper wire, and THEN some stones to use...well, I got the wire, my cabochons took FOREVERRRRRR to come, so I ended up making myself a pretty nice necklace if I do say so myself.


But finally, my turquoise came in the mail today and as I was chatting on the phone with a dear friend in London, don't ask me what possessed me to start fiddling around with it. Half an hour later, the Virgo half of me (thank you Poppa!!!) persisted and I had to keep going.

GOTDAMN!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder ole boy was charging so much for his pieces! The material isn't terribly expensive, unless you want some rare precious stone from the depths of Kilimanjaro, but this is torture on the hands! My fingers are a tad blistered from wrapping and pulling and poking and prodding that damn copper wire.

Here's what I have so far:
]

Well actually, I lied. It's a bit more gone than that, but like I said, it's going to have to wait.

All I know is, the cuff part will have to wait until my fingers feel better dammit.

Master Cleanse ~ Day 7!!

Okay, so I made it throughout the weekend. My honey was talking about getting chicken wings for the fam while we watched the Super Bowl, but between the dot and not eating, if I so much as saw someone gnawing on a chicken wing around me....well needless to say chicken wings were not had last night.

This was the first time I've looked forward to a Monday. Because I have ten million other things to do at work I'm not thinking about the fact that I can't eat. So it definitely makes things easier. (I'm also waiting on my Blended Beauty package from Sista's Place and my goodies from Oyin Handmade, which should all ship out this week so that was another thing to look forward to.)

But yesterday was cool, because before watching the game (HAHAHAH WE WON GO GIANTS GO GIANTS!!!) my honey's daughter and I played the Wii. Ahhh, tennis, bowling and boxing, all of which I swore up and down I sucked at, but lo and behold, I did manage to win each game a few times. And of course my arms are paying dearly for it today. But it was fun! Makes me want to run out and exercise, can't wait till it gets warm. I'M GETTING A BIKE!! I don't care, this payday we're going out to find me a bike.

Oh yes, I'm digressing. Here are some tips for the Master Cleanse that Stanley Burroughs does *not* tell you about!

1. Lime juice tastes better than the lemon juice.

2. Because you are not eating, you may have the urge to gulp your lemonade/limeade. DON'T!!! I chugged some this morning, and between an empty stomach and the cayenne pepper, I didn't know whether to sh*t or go blind. It wasn't very pleasant to say the least, so don't do that. EVER.

3. Senna tea can takes HOURS to work. Brew that badboy soon as you get home, steep it for awhile and then take it. Don't drink it right before you go to bed or you will be mad the next morning.

4. If you eat candy while doing this fast, you are setting yourself up for some major pain. Ask me how I know.

Until then kiddies....I guess I'll start doing some hair stuff on here, reviews and whatnot. It's about time I do.

~EmpressRi~

Master Cleanse for the '08

So I'm on day 2. This is my fourth go at doing the master cleanse, as I like doing this a few times a year.

If anything, the cleanse is 70% mental and 30% physical. My last go around I was like "I need to lose weight!" but wasn't ready, and within two or three days I was weak and ready to get a grilled chicken ceasar salad from Mcdonald's. Defeat did taste good, however, the after effects were eh.

But I'm ready and willing to stick it out for ten days.

Even if a coworker just walked in my office with some ghetto fried chicken from the Chinese restaurant, which smells good and nasty at the same time (and I wanted to hurl my bottle of lysol at his head), I know I can do this.

Dear Long Lovely Locks...you suck!!!!

Okay, I didn't want to post this on Nappturality out of respect for Momma Dee and her site, but I'm seriously about to spew.

So I ordered some of the Long Lovely Locks products from a third party vendor, cause word on the street is that Kechi has some serious sucky customer service. But when I got an email today about the prices of her products going up, I was like wait, you can't be serious!

So I went to the site to inspectigate, and lo and behold this chick surely has gone up on the prices! And not $5 or so, but the curly custard which is 11 ounces and $20 has gone up to a whopping $43! Chick you must be crazy!!! For some emulsified oil and shea butter, heffa PUHLEASE!!!!!!!! I can go down the Muslims in Brooklyn and buy my own calabash of shea butter and get a gang of oils and scents while I'm there! AND buy my own damn emulsifying wax from a friend for less than $5!!! And then don't get me started on the itty bitty 5 ounce bottles of aloe vera and oil concoction. Bad enough it was $12, but now it's like $20 or $23, something like that. Riiiiiight.

So, I'm going to try my little stash of stuff. If I do like it that much, oh well, cause I sure as hell refuse to buy stuff from that site, cause, to reiterate, I heard you get your money taken and no product delivered.

Thank goodness for STELLER customer service from Qhemet Biologics, Oyin Handmade and Anita Grant.

Yall Should All Be Lynched - Video

Some serious food for thought.